Collaborating with Someone You Don’t Really Know

Originally published by Harvard Business Review.

Organizations today are increasingly collaborative, consisting of interdependent teams that are constantly evolving and changing in composition as companies grow (or downsize) and reorganize to remain agile. You or one of your colleagues may be new to a job, a team, or an organization, resulting in the need to collaborate with someone you’ve never met before.

Collaboration can be a double-edged sword. It can lead to greater innovation and improved outcomes. A Stanford study found that working together boosted intrinsic motivation, with participants persisting up to 64% longer on challenging tasks and having more interest and energy for them. But the downside to collaboration, as we all know too well, is that it can significantly slow down decision-making and result in endless meetings, calls, and emails, estimated to take up 80% of an employee’s time — leaving little bandwidth for one’s own work. Throw in other factors, such as differing work styles and unclear expectations, and it can be a bumpy ride with lots of frustration.

Nonetheless, collaborating with someone you haven’t met before can both yield successful results and build new relationships. One such experience of mine not only resulted in a successful women’s conference but also led to a two-decades-long friendship with my cochair.

Although many of us are inclined to dive in and “get to work” after quick introductions, taking a step back to first discuss the following questions with your new colleague will help you get to know each other better and work together more effectively.

What are our goals and process for this project?

Take the time to articulate each person’s definition of success and vision of the path toward it. You want to make sure you’re both “rowing in the same direction” and not working at cross purposes. Whether you’re building a new website, wooing a new client, or launching a new product, defining the objectives and the roadmap will help you understand what’s important to each person and start to build trust and commitment to your shared goal.

Who will do what, and by when?

A 2019 survey by Slack identified clear responsibilities as one of the most important characteristics of good workplace collaboration — but also highlighted them as one of the most common problems at both emerging small businesses and larger companies. Clarifying responsibilities up-front can help you balance the workload and avoid inadvertently stepping on each other’s toes or performing duplicative work and may help preempt territorial behavior. Jointly establishing accountability for progress on various deliverables and their timing can create even greater clarity and solidify a sense of ownership. Moreover, building in regular check-ins with your colleague to review progress can increase the likelihood that goals will be met by 95%.

What are our individual preferred working styles and strengths?

Differences in style can be a source of irritation or conflict. Yet if discussed and understood up-front, they can allow you to work even more effectively together. Understanding each other’s strengths can not only help determine the division of labor but also signal where you might want to consult with or defer to your colleague. When I first met my co-founder of my leadership development firm, her big-picture focus, innovative ideas, and marketing expertise helped shape the vision, define the target market, and generate demand for a highly successful program we launched in starting our company. My practical focus on the details and logistics, along with my financial acumen, helped ensure a smooth execution that was also profitable. If we hadn’t been aware of our differences in styles and strengths as we began our venture, I might have thought her ideas were too “pie in the sky,” and she might have thought my pragmatism was too constraining. Instead, we used those differences to our advantage.

A prior client of mine, a partner at a management consulting firm whose teams changed every few months, created a document describing his preferred work styles and strengths, which he called “User’s Guide to Raj.” He would share it with new team members and ask them to share the same information about themselves so that differences could be leveraged rather than becoming a source of misunderstanding or conflict.

When and how will we give each other feedback on our working relationship?

Establishing a process for feedback when the relationship is new can make it much less awkward later, when you have feedback to give. Moreover, it can help build the relationship between you and your colleague. You might really appreciate the creativity your teammate has brought to the project, but the fact that he was unprepared for your last meeting meant you had to delay a key decision. Likewise, you might have blind spots about your own contributions and what your colleague might like to see more of (or less of) from you.

What do we need from each other to do our best work?

We often assume that others operate as we do or know what we need from them. Not only is this not the case, but the question is even more important to discuss if you’ve never met before. To truly understand how you can support each another to do your best work, you need to be clear about your needs. For example, you might say, “I’m able to better contribute when I have time to think through the topics in advance. Will you send me a high-level agenda prior to our meetings so that I can reflect and gather my thoughts before our discussion?” If you feel like you are tolerating something from your colleague, not only is it a feedback opportunity; it is an unspoken request you have yet to make. For example, “Weekend emails really stress me out. Unless it’s urgent, can you wait until Monday to send them?”

Asking and answering these questions with your new colleague will ensure that your collaboration achieves both successful results and a positive working relationship.